So Much More
by Johnnyslilgirl
Summary: Christmas story, people say "Things may look bad now, but they will get better"


So Much More

December 10

"You are coming over to help decorate right?" Roy asked Johnny as they got changed for the next shift.

"Well, I did promise to let Jenny put the angel on top of the tree didn't I?" Johnny asked, smiling at the thought of spending his day off with his friend's family. He knew he didn't have to be alone because that feeling was the most miserable feeling ever.

"Saturday at noon, and Joanne will be making sugar cookies as long as the dough isn't too runny like it was last year," Roy said smiling to himself remembering the previous year's sugar cookies. They tried almost everything to thicken the dough before they finally had to throw it away because it was too runny to make the cookies with. He also remembered Jenny and Chris laughing hysterically as Roy and Joanne got mad at the instructions. It took forever to wash off the table and their hands because it was that sticky! The dishes had to soak overnight so it wouldn't stick to anything else.

Johnny buttoned the last button on his shirt, and then walked out the door, having a few minutes until roll call. Roy came out a few seconds later got a cup from the cupboard and poured some coffee. Once everyone was there Captain Stanley called roll call.

The shift started out normal, Johnny thought it was too quiet. Were they waiting for something that big? The phone rung and Hank answered it then told Roy it was for him. Roy asked if he could use the one in the office. After Hank said he could, he left.

"What happened to her? Yeah, yeah, I will be there. Don't let her move. See you in a bit." Roy hung up the phone went back to his locker and grabbed his keys. "I have to go Cap; Jenny hit her head during Jr. dance squad practice. Joanne took her home, but she still wants me to check her over, and stay with her when she goes to get Jenny's meds refilled." Captain Stanley nodded saying he would call in a replacement and told Roy he could leave.

Once he got home Joanne met him at the door. "So, what happened exactly?" Roy asked.

"Well, one of the senior cheer leader members made it sound like one of the other kids ran into her and basically she fell over and hit her head, I don't know if it is true, the coach didn't see anything." Joanne said, a bit mad that the coach wasn't watching what was going on. "She doesn't have a concussion does she?"

"I think if anything she just had the wind knocked out of her. If she shows symptoms, then I will take her to Rampart, but for now she's fine here. I think we might play a game or watch a movie while you're gone." Roy smiled. Joanne was fine with it as long as it kept Jenny awake. She grabbed her keys and walked out the door.

-E!-

Johnny waited for Roy's replacement to show up. He was reading the newspaper when he heard the voice say "Hello,Johnny."

Johnny looked up to find Craig Brice standing in front of him. Johnny resisted the urge to say something, and went back to reading, thinking 'this shift was not gonna be fun at all.'

-Later around midnight-

The tones sounded waking everyone up. A two alarm fire, everyone got out of bed and dressed. They then ran out to the trucks acknowledging the call. Johnny got into the driver's side of the squad, leaving Craig sitting shotgun. They arrived at an apartment building that was up in flames. "We have a girl in there somewhere." Captain Stanley said as they got out of the squad and pulled on air packs. They grabbed flashlights and went inside the apartment without thinking twice.

Johnny was looking for the girl when he turned around to tell Craig something but to his disbelief he wasn't there. 'Walking rule book is disobeying a rule to firefighting, hmm that's a shock,' Johnny thought, 'Brice where the heck are you? I think I found something!' but it was the last thing he remembered before seeing the fire get to the gas line. There was an explosion, and he was thrown up against the wall from the force of it. The next thing he knew he felt the sickening feeling of falling, then nothing.

Captain Stanley knew there was something wrong when the explosion happened. He looked for all the members of 51 and found all except one of them. "Johnny is still inside!" He called. Chet and Marco instantly jumped to action handing the hose over to someone form the other station there. Additional stations were called out with an extra squad.

They eventually found him and pulled him out. They took his air pack off and carried it separately; his face maskwas broken so it wouldn't do him any good now. Once they got him out they called Rampart and took him in.

-E!-

Captain Stanley sat in the lounge with Craig Brice across from him asking him what happened at the fire to cause him to leave Johnny behind in the apartment. Craig got up, not wanting to be questioned now. What did he do? He could have just possibly killed Roy's friend. The door crept open and Roy came in seeing Captain Stanley and Craig Brice there. He knew his worst nightmare had just come true.

"Someone called me, told me that Johnny…" Roy said, not finishing his sentence. He looked at the Captain for answers, completely ignoring the fact that Craig Brice, his other worst nightmare was sitting right there in the same room as him.

"Roy, we haven't heard anything yet. All we know is that there was an explosion, and that he fell through the floor. We are all off for the night because of this, we have to be here." Craig said. Roy ignored him, wanting to hear it from the Captain.

"Roy, he's right. We don't know what happened besides that, and he landed on his air pack and his face mask was shattered too. He likely won't be able to work again as a paramedic or firefighter after that fall. All we know is that he is likely to have a bad back injury**.**" Captain Stanley frowned, knowing that this was going to be hard on everyone. Craig sat in silence, he knew that he was eventually going to be chewed out, but he wasn't looking forward to it. The guys would also never let him live it down.

-E!-

Dixie left the room where they were working on Johnny. She couldn't stand to be in there. She knew all she needed to know to give the guys the news, and she knew that Roy had arrived. She opened the lounge door to find 51's crew in there waiting for the word.

"What's the word?" Roy asked. He knew the news wouldn't be good, and didn't do anything to brace himself for what he was about to hear.

"He is in bad shape, he has a few skull fractures, and his back is in terrible shape. For now that's all I know, whenI get more information I will keep you updated," Dixie said with a sigh.

Everyone stayed at Rampart the rest of the night. No one wanted to leave, and they all wanted to hear further news on Johnny. Craig Brice even stayed, and the more he stayed the more he felt like he didn't belong there. He left a few times knowing that if he stayed long enough that there could be a fight. He eventually just walked back to the station to go home.

The others waited for the news that Johnny made it out of surgery with no problems, but there was no guarantee that he would make it. Eventually they all went back to the station to change and take off, everyone except Roy. After they left he went to see Johnny. Heshould have known what to expect, but it still shocked him when he saw his partner.

He was lying perfectly still, but the steady rise and fall of his chest told his partner he was still alive but his head was takinga long rest. A folder was lying on the table by the bed, carelessly left there by one of the ICU doctors or nurses. Roy could see the x-rays and papers sticking out that were too big. They probably left it there in case something happens, Roy thought. He wanted to look at the x-rays, but also didn't want to see how bad the damage really was. Kel said something about Johnny's spine being damaged, but they didn't know how bad it was.

They found him in bad shape, why did this have to happen? Oh God, Craig Brice, what did you do to him? I swear when I get a hold of you…

Roy looked back down at his partner. Johnny wouldn't want him to get the truth out of Craig would he? Of course there were always two sides to the story, and Craig Brice was a good place to start.

Lord, forgive that idiot for leaving Johnny alone… we all know the reason Johnny is like this now is because Brice left my partner in there. I swear I will do whatever I have to, just let him be okay! Never mind, that sounded totally pathetic, I know that won't help him live, he has to do the work. This will probably the first year I dread Christmas coming… this wasn't supposed to happen!

"Johnny we need you here!" Roy said knowing that come Saturday Jenny wouldn't put the angel on the tree now. They would save it for when Johnny came home, and he prayed it would be soon.

How could I ever forgive the people who let this happen? How can I forgive myself for not being there? How could you ever forgive them? You know I hate Craig Brice, everyone does, but this is gonna make it hard for any of us to forgive him. No one knows what happened, you're the only one that can tell us… come on Johnny, you have to be okay.

December 12, 12:00 pm

Jenny sat on her bed, sighing, she picked the picture up off her nightstand. It was from last Christmas and she remembered everything clear as day. Johnny didn't get hurt that year, but Jenny had been hit by a car three weeks before Christmas. Her left femur was broken; her tibia was fractured but the accident left the fibula alone on her right leg. The x-rays also showed a clear break across her ulna and half way across her radius in her right arm. Johnny was there to cheer her up and she was happy when she was released on Christmas Eve, thinking it was the best present ever.

She took the back away from the frame; as she took it apart it, slipped out of her hands and fell to the floor shattering the upper right corner of the frame. She picked up one of the pieces; the sharp edge cutting her finger, but she didn't feel the sting as the tiny red drops covered the once clear glass. She looked at the glass, and when she noticed that she was bleeding she took a Kleenex from her nightstand and held it on her finger. She picked up the broken frame and finished pulling the back off, exposing all the pictured from last year that she'd kept safe until now.

There were twenty pictures all together, ten were from her coming home from the hospital, and the other ten were taken during her stay in the hospital. When she was in the ICU she looked awful. They put 50 stiches in her face after taking the glass from the windshield out. On the back of the picture someone wrote "You will always be beautiful, Jennifer Marie."

She held the pictures to her chest and laid down on her bed. She could feel her eyes burn with the hot tears, and her throat hurt from holding back the sobs. She could feel the pillows get wet under her eyes as each tear slid down her cheek as a nearly silent plea of mercy for Johnny.

Joanne could hear Jenny crying from the end of the hall way. It broke her heart knowing that Jenny could get physically injured and could care less, but once she got hurt mentally she broke down. Joanne entered her room slowly trying not to scare Jenny too much. As Joanne got closer, she saw the pictures in her daughter's hands and she knew why Jenny was crying. Joanne also figured that the picture must have fallen off of Jenny's nightstand because she saw the broken corner and the cracks spider webbing out from the corner.

"Jenny, Johnny will be fine, he is a fighter like you. He always pulls through, you know that," Joanne said pushing Jenny's long auburn hair out of her eyes. "Come on help me with the cookies, if we let your father and brother do them, they will probably burn down the house."

Jenny laughed, "We can't let them decorate either! The tree would tip over because there would be no decorations on the back of the tree." Joanne laughed at her little girl's comment.

"Hey I heard that! We are so not like that, you have it all wrong!" Roy said from behind Joanne, making her jump not knowing he was there.

"You and Chris are a bad combination together there, Sweetheart." Joanne said with a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

"You two don't know anything about baking or decorating!" Jenny said trying her hardest not to laugh while saying it.

The all went downstairs together where Chris was dragging out all of the boxes of decorations from under the stairs. Roy saw the box labeled "angel" and took it and put it in their bedroom closet, so it was safe until Johnny came home.

Jenny and Joanne came into the living room where Roy and Chris were decorating and the guys laughed when they saw the girls. Jenny was covered in of flour and had flour on her face in streaks making her look like she purposely did it. They really laughed when they saw Jenny's auburn hair streaked with flour wondering how she got flour in her hair. Joanne had some cookie dough under her fingernails and some flour on her shirt, but that was it - she wasn't as big of a mess as Jenny was.

"How did Jenny do that?" Roy asked trying his hardest not to laugh at how silly his daughter looked.

"Hun, I think she took a dive into the flour, anyways this is Jenny you're talking about. She is just silly that way." Joanne said smiling as she brushed her daughter's hair and clothes off.

"How are you feeling, Jo?" Roy asked coming up behind his wife. He hugged her as he rested his head on her shoulder.

"I'm fine I just have a bit of a headache, nothing big. Don't worry about me, I'm fine. Let's have fun; it's the point of decorating for Christmas." Joanne said smiling. She twisted crossing her arms behind her back. "Let go of my hands you don't know how much this hurts." Joanne whispered.

They turned back to find Chris failing at trying to get the light strings untangled. Instead, he himself was tangled within the lights. Joanne looked a bit shocked; Jenny was rolling on the floor laughing, Roy was trying to stop himself from smiling.

"When did we get all those lights again?" Joanne asked not remembering that they had that many lights.

"Your parents gave them to us. It was our first Christmas together." Roy said making Joanne remember.

"That explains it!" Joanne said. She finally started to laugh at Chris who was getting more and more tangled in the lights as time went on.

-E!-

Roy noticed that Joanne kind of looked worse than she did before. He wasn't going to push it, though. He tried his best to ignore it but couldn't be comforted by the fact that she looked pale, and also looked like she wasn't sleeping well. She was working on supper, looking dead on her feet. She pulled the last batch of cutouts out of the oven and set them down on the table.

"Hey, Roy, can you please take over with supper? I-I'm not feeling that great anymore…" Joanne said feeling way too tired and run down. She closed her eyes rubbing her forehead.

Roy saw her start to go down, and caught her before she hit the floor. Jenny got up from the rocking chair and went out into the kitchen to see what was going on. Her face lost color when she saw her mother on the floor with her father kneeling by her mother.

"Jenifer, stay with your mother, I have to call for help," Roy said staying calm then turning off the burners, before leaving to get the phone. Jenny took her dad's spot on the floor next to her mom. A few minutes later Roy came running back into the kitchen. Jenny got up and ran upstairs to her room. Slamming the door, she was blind from the hot tears that burned her eyes she fell on top of her bed.

Was this really going to be what Christmas is going to be like for us? Everything seemed to be going wrong! Of course, we still had our house, but we probably wouldn't be home for Christmas this year! This would probably have to be the worst Christmas ever! Johnny possibly may not make it but if he does he won't be able to walk again! Now mom is… I don't know what's wrong with her! I wish none of this happened! It's out of my hands though so I can't do a thing about any of this.

From Jenny's bedroom window she could see the red lights flashing, and could hear the sirens. All it meant to Jenny was that they were taking her mother away. She heard the voices, and one asking her father some questions. She wished she couldn't hear anything, but she stopped crying just long enough to try and hear any news about her mother. Roy came up to check on her and sent Chris over to the neighbor's house overnight.

"What's wrong with mom?" Jenny asked rubbing her face with her sweatshirt sleeve to wipe the tears away.

"I don't know yet, but they are taking her to the hospital so they can find out what happened." Roy said as Jenny fell into his arms.

After she calmed down they got ready to go. Jenny headed outside to wait while Roy shut everything off. Before he headed outside he locked all the doors and took one last look at the decorating they did. It seemed so unreal that this was all happening. First Johnny and now Joanne, he didn't want to think about what might happen next, he turned around and shut the front door and making sure it was locked and left the place he called home.

-E!-

11:00 pm

Emily Stanley woke up to find the other side of the bed empty and nicely made. She bushed her long, blond bangs back and looked out the window to see her husband sitting on the back porch steps. She knew as much as anyone that he wasn't sleeping, no one from the shift on duty two nights ago was. Emily sat down next to him. They were silent; she realized then that he was looking up at the stars, maybe looking for a few shooting stars so he could make a wish. Emily walked back inside to get some blankets only to have the phone ring. She cursed under her breath not knowing who would be calling this late. She answered it from the phone in the kitchen, as she picked up the phone she leaned against the counter.

"Hello, Emily Stanley speaking." Emily tried her hardest to sound at least half awake.

"Emily, its Roy, I don't know how to put this, but I am going to just say it straight out. Joanne was taken to Rampart, she passed out, and she hasn't woken up yet."

"I'm sorry to hear that, I heard about Johnny though. I can't believe it happened. I take it you won't be back to saving lives anytime soon then." Emily sighed knowing the next few days, weeks, and months will be a struggle in the DeSoto house.

"Emily, tell your husband, I have to go. I am so sorry I bothered you this late but I thought you would like to know." Roy sighed and hung up before Emily could say anything else.

"You weren't bothering us, and it's a good thing you called, otherwise we wouldn't know. I will be praying for you, Joanne, the kids, and Johnny," Emily said to no one.

She went outside with blankets and some hot chocolate. She looked up at the stars remembering when she was a little girl and her father pointed out consolations in the stars. "What was the call about?" Hank asked, and it took ten seconds to know what he was talking about.

"Oh, Joanne is in the hospital too now. All Roy told me was that Jo passed out and hasn't woken up yet. I wonder if they know what caused it." Emily wiped her sleeve across her cheek to prevent the tears from showing. She wished it was all a nightmare but so did everyone else that heard about it. She felt like a little kid again as Hank wrapped his arms around her and she let out the sobs that she was holding back.

Roy stood vigilantly next to his wife. She hadn't regained consciousness since they brought her in. He knew they probably found the probable cause but maybe it wasn't the right cause especially since she didn't regain consciousness. He knew Johnny was in the building too somewhere, but in all the chaos he'd nearly forgotten. He didn't want to leave Joanne alone, especially if she were to wake up. After all, they had gotten her stabilized late the previous night, so she could regain consciousness at any time. He watched the green line on the monitor rise and fall in even peaks. The steady beep reassured him of the fact that she would be okay.

He looked down at her hand which he was holding and studied her fingernails, with the ruby red finger nail polish, that was starting to chip and crack, when he felt her squeeze his hand. She moved her head to face him and her eyes fluttered open. She reached with her other hand and rubbed her forehead and sighed.

"What happened?" Joanne moaned as she looked around the room.

Roy smiled knowing that was the typical question that most people asked. "Jo, you passed out when you were in the middle of making supper on December 12, it is now December 14."

"I feel so stupid. How did Jenny take it?" Joanne asked, finally looking back at Roy.

"Not so great, she's in Johnny's room now. I would bet she's asleep by now. She didn't sleep much, and she hasn't gone to school since everything happened." Roy said as he sat down in the chair next to her.

"Actually why don't you get her? I want to see her, and maybe I can talk to her," Joanne said quietly.

Roy left and stood outside Johnny's room. Jenny was asleep on a chair. It was hard to believe that everything happened two to four days ago and things still haven't hadn't returned to normal. It almost felt as if the world stopped turning.

He finally decided to go in and he picked Jenny up off the chair. She tiredly opened her eyes and mumbled a "hi." After she saw it was her dad she closed her eyes again. When he came back to Joanne's room Jenny was asleep again.

"Did they say how long I would be here?" Joanne asked when Roy came back with Jenny.

"A while, you did a good number on yourself Jo, especially since you are eight months along, so you are going to be here a while. They want to keep an eye on you and make sure it doesn't happen again. When they brought you in, your blood pressure took a dive," Roy said. He didn't want to yell at her for not taking care of herself, but yet, she should have known better. He especially didn't want to wake up Jenny.

Joanne sat up, and took Jenny from her husband. Again, Jenny woke up to see who it was, but when she saw it was her mother, her eyes widened and then her shock turned into a smile.

"Someone's happy to see her mother," Joanne said laughing as Jenny threw her arms around her.

"Of course, you haven't been her mother for two days because you were unconscious. I think she took everything the hardest." Roy said.

"That was a stupid thing to say," Joanne said shaking her head.

"Okay I guess you are right, that actually did sound pretty dumb. How about she took everything the hardest because you haven't been there for her the last couple days?" Roy asked trying again.

"I'm just going to let it go this time," Joanne sighed shaking her head. Jenny let out a giggle.

December 16

Jenny went back to school, and Roy went back to work, not being able to afford to miss another day for a while. Their day basically worked out like this: Roy went to work when the kids were in school, then when school was over, they would be dropped off at the neighbors'. When Roy got done at the station, he would either take Jenny and Chris home or take them to visit Joanne and Johnny.

-E!-

"We have to talk," Roy said looking at Craig Brice dead in the eyes. The other paramedic knew that Roy was dead serious, and that he might as well not start a fight. It was the end of the shift, and they were both tired, but Roy wanted to hear the truth. They went out to the back parking lot, and Craig opened the tailgate on his truck and they both sat down.

"Look, I know we haven't always gotten along in the past. However, I'm willing to put all that aside for right now if we can talk about the night of December 10." Roy looked at his temporary partner who sighed almost with a hint of exasperation.

"I know you and Johnny are friends, I understand and respect that. I also know how much you have been through together. That night, it was MY fault he is in the condition he's in. I talked with Dr. Brackett, and things are looking more optimistic now but he definitely has some major spine damage. He's a fighter, he isn't going to give up just because he got hurt, and you know that as much as I do. He also mentioned that the spine injury was more than likely a complete spine injury." Brice said as everything came back to him from that night.

Roy's face went ghostly pale at these words. "You don't think I know that? I know he's a fighter, I have seen him through the good, the bad, and the ugly. Even if it's a complete injury, I swear I will do whatever it takes to get him back on his feet, because I believe it can still happen."

"Roy, you are a medic, you know that there's no chance if there is a complete severing of the spine! Even I know that. Years ago, my sister was in a car crash on her way to prom, I was only 14, and I didn't understand the reason why she died. If I had the chance to save her, I would but I know I can't. Amy is gone, so what I am saying is there are just some things you can't do. This is one of those times."

Roy looked at him shocked at how he could say this and wondered why he had been hiding such hurt from everyone. "I cannot believe you just said that. How can you be so cruel? You never did tell me what happened that night."

"Well, we were called to an apartment fire. There was someone still inside, a kid, a little 6 year old girl. We went in to look for her. I thought I heard something so I went off, but I didn't think it would matter because I would have been back in a few seconds. However, that explosion knocked me off my feet. I still have the bruise from landing on my air pack on my spine, but it was not nearly as bad as what Johnny got. I got up like nothing happened. I knew I had to find the kid. I heard people yelling and knew they were coming for us, for Johnny. I found the kid; my air regulator broke, so I couldn't give her oxygen to stop her coughing. I went outside, and treated the girl, and then I heard them call in an additional squad. I looked and Johnny was there. It scared me. I knew you'd be mad, and I didn't want to talk about it so I walked back to the station, to clear my head. Then I went home. I couldn't sleep though! I came back to Rampart after you left two days later, and checked on the little girl, who was just fine, but they couldn't find her parents. The staff on pediatrics had no records on her and didn't know her name. She was a Jane Doe, and she didn't say a word. As far as pediatrics is concerned, she has no parents. Child services found out she was living by herself and taking care of herself. It's amazing she even survived that long on her own. They are taking care of her, but she has some serious health problems. She has allergies to just about everything and anything. She has heart problems, half of her organ systems are basically done for. Enough about Jane Doe how's Joanne?" Craig Brice's voice cracked with the painful memory of that night.

"She woke up the other day but they want to keep her there over Christmas, and for a while after she delivers. This year is going to be hard on us. They said her blood pressure took a dive. At least she's awake now. Jenny and Chris missed school and they are sure to miss more."

"That has to be hard; I don't care what anyone else says because you have Johnny and Joanne in the hospital. Plus two children with another on the way, I don't know how you're going to do it."

"I know someone is watching over us because Cap came in and said he would do anything to help us. I know there's going to be a fundraiser, and I'm grateful but we don't need it."

"You will need it; God only knows how much you are going through, and how hard it is going to be on your family." Craig Brice looked over at Roy who was sitting there, but Craig could tell he was thinking about what he just said.

"I have to wait with insurance on both Johnny and Joanne; hopefully they cover most of Johnny's stay here. It would make it easier if I didn't have to pay for it," Roy said, just as Cap came out and ran towards them.

"Roy, Rampart just called, they said it was something about Joanne." Captain Stanley said almost breathlessly.

"What's wrong with her?" Roy asked sliding off the tailgate.

"They didn't tell me. All they said is they wanted you there as soon as you could get there. Go, I will take care of it." Captain Stanley said.

Roy ran back inside, and got his keys. The drive seemed longer than usual with all kinds of thoughts running through his mind as to what happened to Jo. He prayed that it was nothing that was too serious.

He got to Rampart and froze as soon as he walked through the doors. What can I do for her right now? They probably won't let me see her for a while yet.

Roy eventually moved his feet without realizing it and sat down in one of the chairs in the waiting room. He felt numb all over; first it was Johnny, and now his wife might be in trouble. Roy couldn't stand the thought of losing either one of them.

About a half hour later he saw Joanne's regular doctor come towards him. He recognized Brenda immediately and knew she was going to talk to him. He stood up slowly as she came closer.

"Roy, Joanne is in critical condition. We do not know what happened or how it happened, but she is in a coma now. We have her stabilized for now, but I do not know how long that will last. I cannot say for sure how this is going to play out." Brenda looked honestly sorry that she was even saying it.

"Can I see her?" Roy asked quietly looking down.

"Yeah, follow me." Brenda said. She walked down the halls with Roy following until they got to the elevators.

December 20

"_Jenny was devastated to hear about her mom. She didn't eat after I told her; my reaction was to tell her that she wasn't going to help her mother by not eating. Chris might be in denial, God only knows what he's thinking. He hasn't talked much since his mother had to be taken to Rampart; thank God they were not stupid enough to release her after she thought she was feeling better. I understand Jenny's reaction, but Chris's reaction doesn't make much sense. I tried to talk to Chris but he wouldn't listen, he just seems so distant. I don't know if his problems lie with Joanne being in the hospital along with Johnny, or if it is something else." _

Roy put down the pen and stared out the bedroom window. It was dark, and the kids were asleep - finally. It took a while to get Jenny to sleep now days. He looked at the bookshelf, the only light coming from the desk lamp. Joanne's journal caught his eye; he got up to get it and opened the cover. He saw her beautiful handwriting in blue ink and saw it in his mind, her writing this when she was alone. Some of the pages looked like they had been dropped in a puddle and she'd desperately tried to dry them off, but the damage was done and the ink was smudged.

Roy found the entry from when Jenny was born. Sighing, he read it, remembering everything happening the way Joanne described it.

"_May 27, I had Roy bring this because I couldn't pass up the opportunity to write about this. It's such a wonderful day for me because I just had the most beautiful daughter anyone can ask for. We named her Jennifer Marie DeSoto. I have to admit, she did catch me by surprise, she was two weeks early, but she's just fine, no problems that we know of so far. I went into labor around midnight, and I felt so bad for Chris, seeing as how he had to go over to the neighbor's house, but I'm almost sure he rather not have heard me scream. Roy is going to pick him up in the morning, right now, this moment is ours. It's hard to believe that so long ago I was getting sick and didn't know why, until I went to work one day and nearly passed out. Wait, I think I did faint, now that I think of it - I believe I did, because Roy had to pick me up after I regained consciousness and take me to the hospital. It was then I knew that I was going to have another child, and I nearly panicked because of Chris. _

_All of my worries fade away now. I saw my little girl and so far I know everything about her. Her eyes are blue, her hair will be auburn, she is eight pounds, seven ounces, and twenty and a half inches. As an added bonus and my favorite part of all, she is mine and Roy's. Jenny is ours, if it's even possible, I love her more, maybe to the point where my heart might explode with the love. I remember the same feeling with Chris. I cannot wait until we get to take her home so I can take care of her. I think I should end this here before I fall asleep and write God-only-knows what, or my handwriting gets so messy I cannot read it. I will probably write more tomorrow if I'm not overly exhausted by then."_

Roy sighed, and put the journal down next to him on the bed he was sitting on. He rubbed his eyes and looked at Joanne's side of the bed. He wished she was there, because it felt so empty without her. He looked to the nightstand and saw four pennies and thought about trying to find a well and throwing them in. However, that was just superstition; throwing pennies in the well would never bring the people he loved back to him. Although three wishes was all he needed, one for Johnny, one for Joanne, one for Chris – to try and get him to talk and the last for their third child.

Roy opened the window and stared up at the stars. He recognized different constellations. From going camping and learning basic wilderness survival, the stars could tell you which way to go in the dark. Or rather, which way is north, after that, if you are not completely turned around, you can always find your way back. Maybe, just maybe that could be true now. What if Joanne and Johnny could find their way back to him? What if he was the one that needed to go to them?

His mind stopped racing when he heard a quiet "Daddy," behind him. He turned to see Jenny behind him. In the moonlight he could see that Jenny had been crying, though silently. Tears still clung to her cheeks like clear class. He picked up his seven year old daughter and held her tight; she started sobbing into his shoulder.

He held her and spoke to her softly trying to calm her down. The world seemed to fade away as Jenny was crying, she was crying for her mother, her father, her uncle Johnny, her older brother, her brother or sister she could never meet, and lastly, herself.

As Roy tried to calm his daughter's fears he remembered how Jenny always put the people she loved first and always put herself last. It was one of the things that reminded him so much of Joanne. He knew Jenny cried herself back to sleep after she stopped crying. He brought her back to her room, and carefully laid her into her bed. He drew the covers up to her shoulders. He watched her sleep for a few minutes before he left to check on Chris.

He found Chris wide awake just staring out into space. He decided to talk to him in the morning and for now just let it be. He walked back to the master bedroom and picked up the pen again.

"_Jenny seems to be taking everything hard. She came in here crying, and it was right after I read Joanne's journal from the day Jenny was born. Chris is wide awake and not sleeping. I am almost worried that he hasn't slept for days, or maybe has fallen asleep in a few classes; only to have the teachers or other students wake him up rudely. I am thinking about keeping him home until Christmas break. I swear the other day one of his teachers called and told me his grades were slipping. Jenny's attendance records are going to suck, but it's better than having her break in the middle of a class. I find it hard when night comes and Jo isn't there here, or when one of the kids is crying. Most of all I just hate to leave her, and I find it hard to face the facts." _

Roy put his pen down again when he heard Jenny call for him. He went to her room and found her still in bed. He turned on the lamp by her bed.

"What's wrong?" He asked seeing the panic in her eyes.

"I don't feel good, my tummy hurts," Jenny said.

Roy looked at his daughter. Joanne normally took care of this type of thing. "Do you feel like you're going to be sick?" He asked. Jenny nodded her head in a simple reply. "I will be back to check on you, I have to talk to Chris. Try and get some sleep okay?"

"Okay," Jenny said, quieter than a whisper. Roy placed his hand on Jenny's forehead and as far as he could tell she didn't have a fever yet. After she fell asleep again, Roy walked over to Chris's room and slowly opened the door.

"Hi Dad," Chris sighed, "Did you hear anything about mom or Johnny?"

"As far as I know, both of their conditions have not changed. However, your sister has a stomach bug. I think she would appreciate it if you kept the bathroom by her room open. Tomorrow, I want to go and check on your mother and Johnny, so I will be calling Chloe to watch you guys, and especially keep an eye on your sister," Roy said starting to feel the exhaustion kick in.

"Why her and not one of the other neighbors like Karle or Kory?" Chris asked.

"Chloe has a medical degree and knows what to do if your sister has an asthma attack and knows that your sister is a diabetic. Karle and Kory are just teenagers on the block that you like. I am not going to trust your sick sister with teenagers, that's that." Roy had nothing else to say to Chris, he had proved made his point.

After leaving Chris's room he went to the bathroom and looked in the linen closet for Jenny's asthma controllers. He saw the container with the meds she had to take every morning and night for other medical problems. In the container below it he found Jenny's asthma meds and control plan. He grabbed a bucket from the bottom shelf and closed the linen closet door.

Roy heard something fall and get smashed in Jenny's room. He dropped the bucket and ran across the hall to find Jenny having a seizure. He took her blankets off and shoved them up against the wall as protection. He glanced at his watch and calculated the time he heard whatever it was fall and break. He put his hand on her forehead again and instantly felt her burning up. He sat down on the bed, he watched her to make sure she didn't get hurt. After deciding the nightstand could hurt her, he pushed it out of the way seeing that it was Joanne's lamp that got broken.

After a few minutes, Jenny vomited her way back to consciousness. She saw her father sitting by her. He looked as pale as she'd ever seen him. She started to close her eyes as he helped her sit up and change pajamas. By the time he carried to his and Joanne's room, she was already asleep.

Roy took the sheets off of Jenny's bed and threw them in the washer. After he got it started he went back upstairs to check on Jenny. He picked up Joanne's journal and looked ahead about a year later.

"June 19, today had to be the worst day ever. A gap in my heart will never be filled, the bridge never closed. I was supposed to have another boy, but something happened and Brenda couldn't hear a heartbeat. She even called another doctor to check it out. However, she couldn't do anything. The word 'Stillborn' still rings in my head like a cruel joke. Both Roy and Brenda stayed up all night with me not knowing what else they could do to help. Brenda started to cry when she heard me crying. She was like another sister to me, and she knew how much it broke my heart."

Roy put the journal down and looked back at Jenny. She was sleeping peacefully. She didn't even realize she was supposed to have a little brother. Jenny would have been too young to even remember any of what he just read. He set it down on the desk and sat in the chair facing Jenny and watched the daughter that had no clue she was supposed to have a younger brother.

December 21

Roy was walking down to Joanne's room when he heard hurried footsteps behind him. He turned to almost be knocked over by Emily Stanley. "Emily, I cannot breathe!" Roy said. Emily released her hug and started turning red. "You know you turn a lovely shade of red. I didn't know that you could turn such a dark shade in the years I have known you Emily. I take it many people don't embarrass you as often as they should." Roy stated smiling.

"I am so sorry. It is a few days before Christmas. I know this year has to be hard on everyone." Emily pulled her headband out. Her long bangs fell into her face and she pushed them back again. She peered into Joanne's room and looked back at Roy. "How are you and the kids holding up?" Emily's eyes showed sadness mixed with a lot of other things.

"Right now, not so good. Jennifer is sick. Last night she had a fever convulsion, after that she was so exhausted she slept through the whole night. She didn't want me to go, but I have to see Jo. I have no idea what exactly happened to her yet."

"What if it's serious?" Emily asked.

"Then we take it one step at a time, but for now I am hoping that isn't the case," Roy said with sadness present in his voice.

"Whatever it is cannot possibly be good for Joanne or your kid. Oh my goodness!" Emily's hand flew up to her mouth after thinking the worst.

"Emily, settle down. She will be fine, trust me. Joanne is a fighter; you wouldn't believe how many fights she has won against me. Take a deep breath, just calm down before…" Roy suddenly cut his sentence short when he saw Brenda walking down the hall towards them.

"How are the kids?" Brenda asked stopping in front of Roy.

"Considering everything, I don't know. Last night Jenny got sick, so Chloe is watching her. She didn't like me when I had to give her the insulin shot this morning, she is that miserable. She couldn't do it, or didn't want to; otherwise normally she would just inject it herself. I guess I have to go home soon." With that being said, he left Brenda alone with Emily.

When he got to Johnny's room he stood outside the door. He knew what to expect, but he couldn't find the will to open the door and come face to face with something that could have and should have happened to him. If he would have been there his partner wouldn't be hanging by a few threads. He would have not left Johnny in there. Finally he opened the door; however it was as almost as if he didn't want to be there.

"Johnny," the name slipped as barely a whisper. "How could this happen? Everything seems to be going downhill. I wish I knew if you could hear me, but I guess that's always a mystery. Joanne is in the same boat as you but I have no clue as to what happened to her. Brenda is amazed that the child is doing okay. However, if Joanne doesn't get better soon they want to do a C-section. Emily is with her now, and Chloe is watching the kids. I still remember when you tried to ask Chloe out after seeing her in the front yard when you were supposed to be helping the kids with something. She was playing hard to get, or she just wasn't ready yet. It was either that or you just didn't know what happened to her husband and kids. It was a shock to all of us when she was in that horrible crash with her family and she was the only one to live." Roy bit his bottom lip to prevent him from saying anything more. He remembered that day that Chloe's family died, but somehow she was spared.

Roy remembered everything from that terrible rainy night. He had to work the night shift, and they got the call around three a.m. that there was a crash. By the time they got there, he had the feeling that they were too late, but not before he heard a tortured scream. It's Chloe, she is still alive! He remembered thinking. After a few second's delay, and the rain running down his turnout gear in fat drops, he went into action. He didn't even realize what he was doing, but somehow got into the wrecked car. He checked her husband's pulse, nothing! He checked on her two kids, a boy toddler, and a girl that was about eight years old. The girl was dead, the boy was not doing too well, but he at least had a pulse. For Chloe's daughter and husband they were too late, Chloe's son need treatment, and FAST, and Chloe was in a lot of pain. Roy didn't blame her either for her scream. Her head broke the windshield when she hit it. There was likely more, but at that moment nothing was right. Their whole world turned upside down.

"We were the ones to pick up the broken pieces of her life after the crash, Junior. She has gotten so used to Joanne and the kids; I don't know what she would do without them. We are basically her second family. We took care of her after she got out of the hospital. I think you remember that, but I am not sure anymore." Roy finished the sentence below a whisper. He looked at his partner and noticed even the little details that he didn't notice before. He was unnaturally pale; there were cuts and burns all over. The person there he hardly recognized, there was no doubt though that it was Johnny. Time would heal the physical scars, but the mental scars of that night could never be healed.

He took one last look at Johnny. Dear God, let him be okay, he thought as he walked out before he got sick. Every day he thought about what could happen, but the possibilities he came up with were only for him. However there was one thing he didn't count on, and that was a disaster right before Christmas, with everything spiraling downward from there.

-E!-

Chloe looked on the kitchen table and saw the stack of bills that needed to be paid; some of them were on the final notice. She looked at all of them and added up the total cost. She knew they were in trouble, there were files open with their contents scattered all over the table. She knew someone stayed up late after taking care of Jenny to try and figure out checkbook balances. She sat down at the table and started to organize all the papers, knowing that Jenny was asleep again. On the other end of the table there were asthma medications and insulin shots. Specific directions were left, but she hadn't needed them while she was watching the kids.

Roy walked into the door to find Chloe looking at the pictures in the hallway. He heard her let out a chocked sob. She turned to find him standing there, and he wrapped her in a hug. "I know you miss your family, trust me, but hang in there, if you need anything all you have to do is call. The holidays are going to be the worst this year, and you can come over whenever you want. I am going to be home a lot now because Joanne isn't here." Roy said, as soon as he said it he wondered if that was the right thing to do.

"Thanks, Jenny is sleeping, and Chris is over by a friend's. He should be back in a few hours. And I kinda cleaned up your kitchen table, if you need help just tell me. In a previous life I was a financial whiz. Plus I got good at telling off the credit card companies, and I know several different languages including a few swear words" She smiled looking up at him.

"I will remember that. I get to finally do it because Jo normally takes care of all that stuff and now she's…" Roy trailed off looking at the pictures and seeing all the happy faces, and the craziness of a not so normal family. He understood fully why Chloe was crying. It was painful to look at the pictures. It must have hurt more for someone that lost their husband and two kids in the blink of an eye. There was no way to describe how Chloe must have felt.

"Hey, I'm going to head out, and maybe I will go visit Joanne." Chloe said smiling. With that she grabbed her coat and keys and walked out. Roy was left with those words and the ringing silence that was broke by the sound of Jenny crying.


End file.
